Using Food

This 28 day wellness program is really forcing me to look at my relationship with food. It has been pretty eye opening. I have had a few slip-ups in the past 17 days, but overall have been doing pretty well following the plan.

I have realized one thing in this process.
Not using food is hard.

Food is my comfort.
Food is my reward.
Food is my treat.
Food is my me time.
Food is when I see people to go out to lunch or dinner or coffee.

Food makes me forget to focus on a lot of other things.
Food make me stay out of touch with myself and how I feel.

Food is my adventure.
Food is my stimulation.
Food is my relaxation.

Food lets me pretend to that things are OK.
Food lets me forget all the things I mean to do but don't do.
Food is there for me when I don't know what else to do.

Food.

I need to stop living my life around food and to start living my life.

Without food, I feel somewhat bored and long for something more.
Without food, I am not sure what to do with myself.
Without food, I feel a little unhappy.
Without food, I feel lonely and long for more connection.

I know that turning to food to fuel my body instead of to fill up my life is best for me,
but having food feels so much easier than having a life right now.

To have a life, I have to pay attention, to listen to what I am yearning for, and to go for it.
I have to be willing to stop going along for the ride and to start driving more. I have to take risks.

It makes me anxious.
It makes me tired.
It makes me afraid.

But I know, this process of healing my relationship with food and my relationship with myself will eventually make me truly myself and truly happy.

It is time to give up using food.
It is time to be me.