Knee Surgery Hiatus

Sorry to have been away for a while. This journey took a slight detour over the holidays. I had been having knee problems for over a year, and finally got correctly diagnosed as having a torn meniscus. It took a while because I did not have the prototypical injury to cause a torn meniscus, but I had a MRI which confirmed it.

I met with a surgeon who told me that I would have to wait 4 to 5 months for surgery, but then they called me back the next day to ask if I could do it the following day since they had had some cancellations, so I ended up having the surgery on Dec 30.



It was a pretty easy procedure -- outpatient, and I was only there for a total of 4 hours. I was very impressed because when I woke up I could already feel that it was better. I did not realize that I had been under constant pain until it was gone. They found an old buckethandle tear in my medial meniscus. They removed a part of the meniscus, and I was on my way.


The beginning of the recovery was rough since I was on crutches, but after the first couple of weeks I was able to get off of crutches, and in fact after 4 weeks or so I started to forget that I had even had surgery since my knee was feeling good. The recovery went well. I had my 6 week check-up last week and was given the go-ahead to return to yoga.

This process taught me a lot. First, I was very grateful to have gotten the chance to have the surgery sooner and to be willing to go ahead with surgery with less than 24 hours notice. The major thing was how much yoga means to me and my life now. I really missed it and really saw what role that yoga had been playing in my life to help me deal with my stress. I am so glad to be back.

Now I plan to continue on with my journey of getting back into my body. I feel ready to shed some more layers and to let go of more of my baggage. Over the past few weeks, I have been starting to have issues with food again, and realize that I run from hard truths that I don't want to admit to myself. It is time to start telling the truth. And one of the main truths is that I am really, really tired. I do too much and burn myself out. I don't want to do it anymore. I am tired of being constantly overwhelmed. It is time to ask for what I want and need, to stop trying to do it all and to please everyone. To stop putting myself last. To stop spending all of my energy leaving nothing left for me and my family. I found some new mantras that are helping me with this transition.

Have Realistic Expectations.
Be Nice to Myself
Think Big!! Ask for Anything!

I returned to yoga this week, and it felt great even though my body was tight. I also had a thai massage, which was great, but made me realize how much pain I have stored in my body. I realized that I tend to suffer in silence, and to just keep taking it in and taking it in. During the massage I realized that I have the erroneous belief that if I let the pain out it will hurt others. I am starting to see and understand that I can let it out and it will dissolve away and no longer be pain, and that it actually is more hurtful to me and others by me carrying it around. There will be no more suffering in silence.

I also realized that I am no longer ashamed of my hip and I ready to stop having the injury I suffered as a baby define my whole life. I have spent my life trying to hide it, trying to make up with my perceived brokenness, and now I am really accepting and embracing that there is and never has been anything wrong with me. There is a whole lot more to me than my hip, and I am finally feeling like I can move beyond it and appreciate and love my hip. There will be no more shame and hiding.

It feels like a good start to a new chapter on this journey. I am excited to see where it takes me.